I might go crazy with all of this sexual frustration. This whole “finding the right boy” thing isn’t for me. I might as well just stay in my room forever and drown in this ridiculous self pity.
I feel like an idiot. He said to me on the night he kissed me for the first time that it was a “long time coming.” I guess he never really meant it. The week filled with nights of dark eye contact and mysterious smiles seem like a lie now, looking back was he just playing with me? He doesn’t like me. Did he ever? Maybe he did, while I was in his bed maybe he liked me then. Maybe he liked me when he was kissing me on the couch in front of the television as Adventure Time played in the background. Maybe he even liked me the morning after when he kissed me on his way to work. And then, just like that, I dissolved to him. I am nothing to him now. Fuck it, I’m not sad anymore. I’m just embarassed. What a waste.
